I really am not quite sure why have not discovered this avenue of writing until now. I do have to give credit to my beloved Chi Beta for revealing this whole new realm of wordy goodness. I’ve been reading all my friends’ blogs and friends’ friends’ blogs, almost to the point of not getting any work done and I have fallen in love with this world.
If you are an IHOPer, please keep writing blogs; I have so enjoyed pouring over the hours of ideas that have come from your meditations and revelations. I, personally, would consider myself an adjunct IHOPer, having been on staff there in the past for 2 1/2 years of my life. I can never really get enough of the heart of what comes out of that place – considering the heart of Jesus is made known above anything else.
My journey has veered away from a permanent residence in KC, but I can safely say my heart is truly ruined (which, I guess is now kind of a cliche word, but nonetheless. . .) for the same old way of knowing Jesus. In Texas, where I live, and I’m sure many other places besides, view “Christianity” as something intricately linked to going to church and “sharing your faith”. Well, my problem is, I’m kind of sick of “church” as most people know it, and after having realized that the INFINITE God is incomprehensible, “sharing my faith” takes on a whole new set of problems. Going to church in spite of the fact that most of the Christians I meet don’t understand my heart is one thing, but telling others about a Man who I barely even know is something completely different.
I know I do that the short amount of time I was at IHOP and in the preceding and proceding years I have cultivated a depth of intimacy with Jesus, but merely going out to share my relationship with just anyone just cause I feel coerced into doing it because that’s what I’m “supposed” to do is crap. I do desperately want people to know Jesus. It seems to me that people in this state (of Texas, not being) have generally been burned by “religion” and are sick of all the religious rules they feel have been placed on them, when it has nothing to do with rules.
I go back to the book of Acts and read how the disciples and people of the early church walked into a city and the power of God caused conviction in hearts. That’s what people need. They need the Holy Spirit, but my feeling is that many of the southern churches have taken out the Holy Spirit because of the weird things they’ve seen happen in the “charismatic” churches.
Of course, there are exceptions to this blanket that I am laying over the south, however, I know from my own experience that my observations and convictions are not entirely unfounded. MY problem is my aforementioned ruination. I don’t feel like I fit in anymore to “the church”, and for a complete extrovert like me, that is quite a conundrum. In the 1 1/2 years I’ve been away from KC, I’ve spent more lonely hours by myself than I think I ever have in my life. I guess the problem as well as been what I’ve done with those lonely hours. I know I haven’t used them to be with Jesus, as a whole. I think I’ve also watched more movies in the past 1 1/2 years than at any point of my life. It was that whole turning to entertainment thing.
So, I do realize the absolute necessity of being with a body of believers. I know I am missing out on a spiritual blessing from not doing that, and yet, in my angst, I’ve persisted in solitude. But I hope this blog will be a source of expression for me and keep me accountable to logging what I’ve learned from my own personal meditations. I don’t really have a huge expectation of anyone reading this, other than my friends, but who knows.
Jesus, we need the knowledge of God in this country. In an ostensibly powerful country of the US, we really have no power. Would you come and tear down the strongholds of independence and religion and bring us back to the simplicity of communion with your Spirit. Open our darkened eyes and show us who you truly are. Reality. We need reality deep within us. Especially me.
