Boogey-man and Abominable Snowman

  The other day, I posted a status on facebook saying, Kristine is wishing the boogey-man and abominable snowman will stop sitting on her head and be demolished, abolished, and excommunicated forever and ever. Amen.  I’m really struggling.  Because my school is closing, all these feelings of insecurity and inadequacy are popping up.  Oh, I know those evil fears (that I have dubbed Boogey-man and Abominable snowman) of mine have been lurking under my surface, but they just have not had a huge reason to come out and play.

  Trying to get into graduate school and not knowing what I’m doing next year have certainly given them ample reason to stomp upon my head.

  But no longer.  One of my dear friends offered to pray for me this weekend, and I really haven’t struggled with those fears since.  But today, I came upon the blog of a dear pastor of mine, and I was at once encourage and emboldened to face these plagues.

  He said, “As a general rule, I love the leadership of Jesus and really believe that His ways are “just and true” (Rev. 15:3). I’m sold at a deep level that the way of weakness – fasting and prayer, giving and forgiving, serving and loving with abandonment to my own self-indulgent, self-absorbed ways – is the wisest and best way for a man to live out his days. I’m not even thinking in terms of gritting my teeth and earning a reward for my obedience – I’m thinking in terms of “wisdom will be justified by her children” (Matt. 11:19). In other words, in the here and now, I believe that the story of my life will testify to the superior nature of God’s divine order and wisdom. . . 

. . . [But] I hate [weakness]. I’m not even ambivalent or lukewarm about this point. My heart is a torrent of activity with little rest or peace – my soul is a storm of frustration – because I don’t like the weakness of waiting, the weakness of dependant trust in the leadership of Jesus, the brokenness of dependency, and the simplicity of foolish silence that seems to be costing me much in the short-term. And it is. That’s the bigger frustration – it actually, truly is costing me something in the short-term to wait for God to break through and have His way in these types of situations.”
  So, I am truly encouraged.  I don’t know what is going to happen in the short term, but I can win the victory in laying down my own vain strugglings and positionings for success b/c there is literally nothing I can do.  But what a wonderful place to be in!  I now get to sit back and watch the goodness and provision of the Lord actually be worked out in my life, so much so, that my life is a testimony to the truths that the scripture screams to us but that we hardly have an ear to hear for all our whining and martyristic lamentations. 
 
  I have the privilege in this season to be silent and let His LIFE be formed in me.  I have the honor of being a wonder to others as they see that His truth is not only foundational in my life but experiential!  HE IS WHO HE SAYS HE IS AND HE WILL DO WHAT HE SAID HE WILL DO!  In me.
 
That is wholly worth my present sufferings.

Faith – Indubitably!

I was meditating on faith yesterday and its true meaning.  If FAITH is the confirmation of the things we hope for and the evidence of things we do not see, then we need to lose our sight!  I remember watching Amazing Grace, the movie.  John Newton, who composed the song, was an old man in the movie who lived out his days serving a church.  Finally, when he had gone blind, he quotes his own song, “I was blind but now I see” and he says now he really can! 

  I heard a story of these Christians somewhere in Central or South America who have committed to speaking in the prayer language as much as possible.  So they’ll be, like, having a conversation, and while listening to the other person talk, they’ll be speaking in tongues under their breath.  Well, in Jude 20, it says to build up your faith by praying in the Holy Spirit.  So, because they prayed in the Holy Spirit so much for so long, they were able to walk up to the scene of a major car accident, pray for a dead man who was thrown through the window of his car, and see him come back to life.  They had faith to RAISE THE DEAD!

  Well, after I heard that story, I settled in my heart to start praying in the spirit as much as possible and did so for a few months.  During that time, I was transitioning where I was going to live, and ended up “homeless” for 3 weeks.  It was very stressful, obviously!  But since I walked through that trial while praying in the spirit the whole time, I have never, since then, doubted the faithfulness of God to provide a place for me to live.  And I’ve moved 5 TIMES since then!  But I’ve never worried (and 2 of those times, I really was not sure where I was going to live next).  Praying in the Holy Spirit works!!!  I’ve experienced it!!